Getting burned out

I can see the symptoms- I'm having trouble dragging myself to the gym. Even classes that I ordinarily enjoy aren't enough to give me a good attitude. I'm glad I went when I'm done, but I'm lacking motivation to go there and have a good attitude.

I also decided a few days ago that I would quit my mountain dew habit until after the dirty dash. This month I have been kind of out of control with my soda drinking, primarily because I've spent so much of the month out of town, and I don't monitor as much when I'm out. I have gained two lbs and it's ALL in my stomach. I can absolutely tell. So, I made that decision and then immediately went crazy drinking even more in anticipation of quitting. Whoops.

I have one or two cans left, and I'm not letting myself buy any beyond that until after the dirty dash. I'm hoping that it'll make a difference this time.

Hiking hiking hiking

Well, our weekend away was almost as active as I anticipated.

Thursday was kind of a bust. I wanted to go to kickboxing before we started our drive, but dh was anxious to get going, and it would've put us more than an hour behind, so I let that go. But, we drove alllll day and I didn't have time to exercise at all.

Friday we went to the Zion Narrows. The first mile is on a paved trail; no big deal. From there on out, you are hiking pretty much the whole time in water. The level varies from ankle to armpit, but for the most part, it's about to the knee. Well, my knees. I'm short. You're also walking over bowling ball sized rocks, so your stabilizer muscles are really, really worked. The entire canyon is 16 miles long, but that's really difficult for anyone to do in one day, so people who want to do the whole thing typically backpack in and then spend a night there. We didn't do that. We decided to go until we started to feel a little tired, then turn around and go back. After we'd been going about 4 hours, we decided we should turn around.

Going back was only about 3 hours, probably because it was down stream. By the time we got done, both my husband and I were pretty tired. He had a nasty blister on his pinky toe (his toe looks ready to fall off now, ewww), and I had a minor one on my big toe. Most of my toenail polish was rubbed off. Glad I hadn't just gotten a pedicure! Afterwards, we did the math and figured we went at least 12 miles that day. Pretty good! The scenery was incredible. Hiking at least part of the Narrows has been on my bucket list, and deservedly so. It was amazing.

The next day, we were both pretty sore, so we started off slow. We went on several smaller hikes that weren't as challenging. I figure we went about 9 miles Saturday, but it wasn't difficult at all.

Sunday was the day we had to go back home. We decided to stop at the Kanarraville Canyon because we'd heard the slot canyon there was beautiful. It's only about a 4 mile hike total, and at least 2.5 of that is on dry ground. It lived up to all of its' promises. It was so beautiful, and maybe more bang for your buck than the Narrows. Much easier to access and more family friendly.

I'm finally not sore today. I think I fixed that good though- I had my first ever personal training session today. It was exhausting. I thought she'd yell at me to push me harder, but evidently I push myself hard enough. About the time I felt ready to die, she wanted to back off because I looked pale. My cardio ability is still terrible. I simply don't know what to do about that. I'm curious to see if I'll be sore tomorrow.

This is the thing that was tough for me. After all of that exercise and walking around, I was too tired to eat much at night, so I felt like my calories were pretty decent. I got home and weighed myself, and I'd GAINED 2.5 lbs. Seriously? I'm halfway through the month, and I'm 2.5 over where I started the month? And I'm 2.5 lbs over where I was on June 30th? ARGH!!!! On the plus side, I tried on two pairs of jeans from my "skinnier" collection. They fit nicely, and I'd wear them if it was cold outside. I haven't been able to wear them in at least 2 years. So, that's good news. It won't win me this competition, but I am more concerned about how I look and feel than winning money. I just wish that sort of thing could be measured.

Anniversary Trip

Today is my 16th wedding anniversary. We're happier than ever, and I feel so blessed.

We rarely actually DO anything for anniversary, but this year is different. We've farmed the kids out to various relatives, and are going on a mini trip to celebrate. We're going to go to southern Utah. We'll stay in St. George, then drive into Bryce Canyon, Zion's, etc. The part I'm most excited about is hiking Zion's narrows.

I think it'll be a lot of fun, and we'll be so active I think I'll be able to eat whatever I want this weekend without negative consequences.

July musings

July was a difficult month for me.

When I weighed in on July 1, I was thrilled with my weight. You know how sometimes you'll weigh in, and it's suddenly a lot lower than it's been, and then the next day, you're back up again? That was my July 1 weight. All month long, I was very good with my eating and exercise. But, a day or two after my July 1 weight, I suddenly gained 3 lbs, and nothing I could do would shake it.

I was getting really, really upset about the whole thing, and then finally decided to just let it go and stop worrying about it. The weight slowly dropped off, but I could tell that actually having a neutral or negative number would be a miracle.

I finally did the weigh in for Aug 1, and it was exactly the same. So, July was a big fat 0 for weight loss. I was relieved not to have a gain.

When I got comparing my July pic with my Aug pic, I think that maybe I am a little thinner. My number on the scale is the same, but I think I did lose fat and gain muscle. So maybe it wasn't a total waste.

If nothing else, I'm proud of myself for sticking with it, and not giving up.

Camping Trip

I just got home from a couple of days of camping. All in all, it was a lot of fun. We went with several friends, and they were such a hoot to be around. Our kids played in the water almost nonstop. You'd think they wouldn't have been *AS* dirty when they got home, but they were amazingly filthy.

I felt like I ate fairly healthy, except that I know I drink way more soda than I should when camping. I also took a hike. It was just about a mile long, and went up over 600 feet in that mile, which seems like a pretty good climb to me.

My husband took a picture of me at the top. I'm a little sad that I'm not happier with how I look in it.
All I can focus on is how big my stomach looks.

dehydrated?

*WARNING* A/C is out in my house, and I am overtired, hot, and incredibly cranky. If you do happen to actually read this blog, proceed at your own risk. *WARNING*

So, this month, I've been trying to work on drinking more water, as Karilynn suggested as the monthly "project".

I started drinking way more water, and immediately gained 2.5 lbs. It will not go away. So, here I am, more than halfway through the month, and I am heavier than I was on 7/1. I've been eating well- spacing my meals out well, getting proper nutrition and calories. I've been exercising a lot as well. I've gone three hikes that according to MFP, burned 1000 calories. Each. Two times a week at kickboxing. My fat percentage is down at least 1-2% from the beginning of the month. The damn scale just won't move.

In a twist of irony, I actually feel thinner. I bought a pair of shorts a couple weeks ago, and they definitely fit looser. For the first time, somebody aside from my husband noticed my weight loss. I'm down almost 15 lbs from Christmastime, and I finally had someone notice. Win!

So, I think that's all encouraging. I keep on with my good habits because, lucky for me, they ARE habits at this point. I'm also hoping that perseverance will win out, and eventually I'll break through this. My fat percentage is down, and that's really encouraging. I haven't seen it this low in at least 5 years.

However, I have to be honest. I'm frustrated because I am in this competition and this competition is about numbers- pounds lost, percentage of weight loss, etc. I can see some positive changes, but by the standards we use to judge for this contest, I'm failing. I'm not totally hung up on numbers, but it's tough to have this measure me as a failure.

I am also feeling a little bit, "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms" because we're now 6 weeks into this competition, and in that six weeks, I've only had two people from the competition comment on my posts. It's a mixture of emotions though- part of me really wants to be kind of hiding in a corner, and I'm glad that nobody is saying anything. On the other hand, am I really that boring?

A much needed reality check

Today we had a family reunion. That could be stressful enough (though in this case, I happen to like my family, so that part wasn't a big deal). But, the reunion took place at a big waterpark. You know what that means.

(cue scary, suspenseful music)

Swimming suits.

I had a moderate amount of anxiety about appearing out in public in a swimming suit. Lucky (?) for me, that anxiety was outweighed by trying to chase four kids around said CROWDED waterpark alone. Husband was helping his parents move.

Once I got there and did some people watching, I realized that I've been spending too much time watching beaches/pools and the women there on tv instead of real life. On tv and magazines, everybody looks perfect. Perfect figures, no lumps, no bulges, no cellulite.

Guess what? Real life is NOT like that. In fact, of all the women I saw today, the one with the best body wouldn't have shown up in any tv show or magazine ad.

I know it's not good or healthy to compare myself to others, but I can't help it. I did. I found that when I compared myself to other women over 30 who were mothers, my body wasn't nearly as awful as I thought it was. In fact, I felt pretty good about it by the time I left. Sure, my stomach is still a train wreck, and will continue to be a train wreck even after I lose weight. My bikini days are over, at least until I get a tummy tuck.

But, today wasn't nearly as bad as I envisioned.

Best of all, we left the water park unscathed. No drownings, no kidnappings, no molestations, no sunburns. It was a great day.