7 days sober

I don't know that sober is the right word for it. But, I haven't had any soda for seven days. I still feel really irritable, and am still craving it like crazy.

I think having a sem-defined goal helps. In the past when I quit, I just said that I quit. Period. But then after 3 or 4 days, I'd rationalize that having it once in a while would be ok. So I'd have a mountain dew. Then, I'd have one a couple days later. Then the next day. Before I knew it, I'd be back to my old habit, and sometimes having even more. The only time I actually stuck to my mountain dew free goal was when I lived in Japan. Of course, that made it easy- they didn't sell it in the stores. There were two or three drink machines that sold it in the entire town of 200k people. Ironically, I discovered one of them was across the street from my apartment, but by the time I made that discovery, I wasn't desperate anymore. Plus, over there, they make their soda with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup, so it tasted like the throwback stuff. Ew.

This time around, I've said I can't have any for the rest of November. I think that at the end of the month, if I've actually seen a decent weightloss, I may decide to extend it through December.

The other thing that has helped me a bit this time is the concept of addiction. Being addicted to something, anything can be ugly. I went on a cruise last year, and the cruise ships didn't have my mountain dew. I was going through serious headache withdrawals, and some of the time on that vacation, I spent looking for a bottle of mountain dew instead of enjoying the sights, meeting the people, etc. Seriously, that is messed up.

Someone close to me is a drug addict, and they've had some very unpleasant things happen as a result of their addiction. Sometimes I want to shake some sense into them. They have all these tools and people around them, wanting them to quit, willing to do anything to support thing to quit, and yet they keep using. They almost died this year. They've wrecked a couple cars. They've watched friends almost die. They've been arrested and gone to jail. Yet they keep using.

I've realized that I am addicted to my mountain dew. Sure, it isn't going to get me arrested, or killed, or anything like that. But how can I sit there and be judgmental for their decisions when I am addicted to something as well. I'm probably making a huge drama queen post out of it, but it is hypocritical to sit here and feed my addiction and expect them to quit something that has a much more powerful hold on them.

In other ramblings:

I completed week four of the couch to 5k program. I thought I would have to repeat week four again, but I actually feel like I can move on. I don't think that I'll ever be a runner, but I think it will help me get into better shape.

I have lost almost all of my phantom cake. I would normally be thrilled with the amount of weight I lost this week, except that I'm still a pound up from the weigh in on Nov. 1. Considering I've been very well behaved with my eating and exercise, I'm irritated. Here I am, halfway through the month, and I'm struggling to get BACK to where I was at the beginning of the month. -sigh- I will just keep plugging along.